"It's About Love" - Evander's Story

These two beautiful girls are both my cousins. Karissa (on the left) is from my mom's side. And Katie (on the right) is from my dad's side. Technically, these two are not related. But they now share an amazing bond that has made them just like family.

This very cute little guy, named Evander (or "Baby Sander" as Leah calls him) is their binding link.

If you are interested in knowing more, here's Evander's story of love...

First of all, let me give you a little background on my cousin Karissa (Kari). Kari and her husband, Laith, have been married for over 10 years. Although they are a very good and happy couple, they have had to endure some very hard trials during their marriage, including an ectopic pregnancy that caused some serious damage, various health problems for Laith, and a very expensive attempt at in-vitro fertilization (IVF) that failed and virtually wiped out their savings.

Realizing that they likely would never have children on their own, they decided to look into adoption. They got approved to be foster parents and worked on getting set up with LDS Social Services. However, because of the aforementioned expense of IVF, they couldn't quite afford the last $1000 they needed to set up their account, so they decided to put it on hold for a while. But then one day Kari was talking to a gentleman in their small town who asked about their plans for adoption. Kari mentioned their problem of the $1000 they needed. This inspired man insisted that they needed to get their account open as soon as possible and kindly offered to give them the money.

Meanwhile, my cousin, Katie, was having a really rough 2011. It was a really bumpy road for her, to say the least. And along this rocky road she found out that Baby Evander was on the way. At first she planned to keep him. But after hitting a few more road blocks, she realized that she would not be able to give Evander everything that this little guy would need and deserves.

One day my mom was talking to my aunt Susie (Katie's mom) and asked how things were going with Katie's various situations. Susie talked about how Katie was working with LDS Social Services and was thinking of placing the baby for adoption. Then my mom felt inspired to mention that Karissa and Laith were trying to adopt.

Susie went home and talked to Katie about this. Katie was actually considering another couple that she knew but was worried because this couple lived so far away and didn't want an open adoption (one where the birth family and the adopted family could have continuted open communication). So Susie called my mom and asked if Karissa and Laith would be willing to have an open adoption. My mom then called Kari who said "Of course they would be willing for an open adoption."

So Kari and Katie started talking more and more. And the more Katie was around Kari and Laith the more peace she felt about them being the right couple to raise her little boy. Kari and Laith came to doctor appointments, they met for lunches and communicated almost everyday. They got to know each other very well and Katie insisted that they be there for the birth and that Laith be the one to cut the cord.

In late January, Katie and her family threw a baby shower for Kari so they would have some of the much needed things for the baby. Leah and I went to the shower and it was so much fun because people from my Tucker family AND my Putnam family were there.

A few weeks ago that cute little guy was born. And my sweet cousin, Katie, went through with the hardest decision in her life and gave her son to Karissa and Laith. It was a bitter sweet experience. For my family, it was an especially interesting situation. We knew how hard it would be for Katie and her family. And we wanted to be able to comfort her. Yet we had seen all that Karissa and Laith had gone through and were genuinely excited to see them finally get a baby and we wanted to rejoice with them.

While I was visiting them at the hospital after the baby was born. the social worker came in and started talking about what would happen at the actual placement. Kari and Laith were both there in the room and Katie and her mom were getting very emotional. I remember feeling very confused about just how I should feel. I had family that was so sad and family that was so happy. So I decided to just be grateful that I was the one holding that special little boy just then.

Because of our unique place in all of this, my family decided to throw a special party for Katie after the baby was born. We wanted to make sure that she felt special and knew how grateful we were that she would give such an amazing gift to Karissa and Laith. So here's a few pictures from the party.

My amazing cousin Katie (I don't know if I could have done what she did)...

Some of the decorations and food...

The theme of the party was "You are a Star!" My sisters Melyssa and Lyndsee have been learning to decorate cakes with fondant and made this cute cake for her.

They also made a gluten-free ice cream filled chocolate cake that actually ended up being a bigger hit. And it was cool because when you cut into it, the ice cream filling was heart-shaped. Even though it was gluten-free, it tasted great!

Here's a couple pictures of two of my favorite party goers. These two are so cute together!

Having a front row seat for this amazing story has really strengthened my testimony of a loving Heavenly Father and the amazing atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ. There were so many miracles that occurred to help make this all come about that only the Hand of the Lord could have made them all come about so perfectly. Even now when I think about it, it makes me choke up and get teary-eyed.

I know this post is long, and if you are still reading, thanks for sticking it out. But I just wanted to end with a poem that Laith wrote. I think it does an amazing job of showing how little Evander has bonded my two cousins forever.

The Size of Our Family

Now that Evander is finally here

The size of our family isn't quite clear.

I had to write it all down to see

If I could get a count, accurately.

I get to be his dad,

That simple fact makes me feel glad!

And Katie will always be his mother,

Even though Kari is his other.

And although Holt will be his last name,

He gets Tucker and Ellis grandparents, the same.

Susie will make a super grandmother,

And since Logan's his uncle, that makes him my brother.

And Carli, my new sister, because she's his aunt,

Shouldn't be forgotten, in fact, I can't.

So that leaves Roger, please, don't be mad,

Cause, it's too late now, you are a granddad.

We're so grateful it all came about

And Evander wasn't too hard to get out.

Even though Katie was really scared,

At least the nurses were prepared.

Cause Dr. Twelves was still up the street,

And Katie couldn't get up on her feet.

Even though she just wanted to try,

And we all hated to see her cry.

The good Lord knew, he always does,

But, we weren't sure what his plan was.

We just all had faith in his will,

And put trust in his words "peace be still."

So, now that I counted, I think that I know

Our family will simply continue to grow.

And although we'll be separated by miles,

When we get together there'll be lots of smiles.

Because we're all one family, now

Evander has glued us together, somehow.

--Laith Holt, 7 Feb 2012, "Happy Daddy"

And here's a picture of Laith and Evander that I copied from Laith's Facebook page (I'm sure he won't mind).